I meet a lot of people who are in the process of deconstructing their faith and getting pushback about the questions they’re asking.
It’s totally normal that your friends, family, and even your local church get a little nervous when you start pushing boundaries, questioning traditions, and charging into grey areas.
Friends and family tend to want us to stay safe, but falling in line with toxic religious culture isn’t safe and it definitely isn’t the freedom from oppression that God promises.
That’s why deconstructing faith is so important. It moves us away from idolizing the church and moves us toward God.
If we truly believe that God has all the answers and welcomes our questions, then asking messy questions that challenge the norm is an exercise in faith, not rebellion.
So what is deconstruction and what does deconstructing our faith look like?
Mirriam Webster gives this definition:
- 1: a philosophical or critical method which asserts that meanings, metaphysical constructs, and hierarchical oppositions (as between key terms in a philosophical or literary work) are always rendered unstable by their dependence on ultimately arbitrary signifiers
also: an instance of the use of this method
a deconstruction of the nature-culture opposition in Rousseau’s work
- 2: the analytic examination of something (such as a theory) often in order to reveal its inadequacy
What does all that mean?
What is deconstructing faith?
Deconstructing faith is simply breaking down all the components that make up our faith. It’s taking a really deep look at what is truly from God, and releasing ourselves from what isn’t from God.
Basically, we are weeding out the falsehoods and creating more room for the Truth to flourish. It’s desperately needed by just about anyone who has grown up in or around the church.
Deconstruction helps us find God’s Truth, not the truth that humans twist up in our own bias and fears.
Contrary to what some patriarchal conservative groups say (ahem…The Gospel Coalition, I’m looking at you) deconstructing our faith is not the same as abandoning it for a life with no moral compass. It’s also not the same as making up some new idolatrous faith that is contrary to God’s Word and puts ourselves in the very center.
People who choose to deconstruct their faith typically work very hard not to abandon our Creator.
God they love. What they want to abandon is the patriarchy and toxic religious culture that tries to twist Christianity into a religion that protects the power of the white, affluent, fundamentalist, mostly male majority at the cost of everyone else. (Just ask the indigenous people of the U.S. who faced genocide and cultural obliteration at the hands of the church.)
For those of us who have chosen to deconstruct know that it would have been much easier to put our heads down and pretend the church was fine as it is.
It would also have been easier to throw the proverbial baby out with the bathwater and assume God does want the church to be patriarchal, nationalistic, and judgemental….
Anything would be easier than falling down the rabbit hole of deconstruction. This process requires one to examine every single belief about God. Because examining is only the first step.
Deconstruction also requires us to wrestle with our own bias, privilege, and flaws in very uncomfortable ways.
We have to take off our masks, rip open all the old wounds. and stand in front of the mirror naked before we can actually see God (and ourselves) without the trappings of toxic religious culture.
It’s not easy.
It’s not a cowardly move for those who don’t want to be sanctified by God’s Holy Fire.
Deconstructing is sanctification.
It’s what happens when we give up the idolatry of worshipping toxic religions. When we exchange it for an intimate connection with the Holy Spirit that moves us in real-time.
Deconstructing our faith is a radically courageous step towards becoming the pre-fall children of God that we were always meant to be.
So no, it’s not heretical, cowardly, or selfish to say “ENOUGH!” to patriarchy and toxic religious culture and head for the wilderness to find God.
It’s purifying.
Liberating.
Holy.
It’s exactly what Jesus did.
So shut out the voice telling you not to deconstruct.
Unfollow the “All Lives Matter” crew. Those who simultaneously post “Love your neighbor” memes and calls refugees at our borders “murders and rapists”.
Read a few books by church outcasts who never stopped loving Jesus.
Start asking hard questions about things that are OK with most Christians, but seem to contradict Jesus’ teachings.
(Hint-they usually contradict Jesus because they’re man-made constructs, not God’s design.)
I hope you, like me, will 100% reject the judgment of people who say women who choose to deconstruct our faith are lost.
Because we are not.
We are more ‘found’ than our tightly bound pre-deconstruction self.
Wrestling through the weeds of our own limiting beliefs about God is actually the holiest pilgrimage one can make. It always ends up at the feet of Jesus.
After all, isn’t that where we are all supposed to be heading?
Hey there friend! I’m Angela J Herrington, MA, LSCC and I’m a Faith Deconstruction coach who provides soul care for people who are untangling from toxic religion.
As a certified life coach and seminary-trained online pastor, I have a lot of experience helping people connect with God. But this is also a very personal journey for me.
For the last decade, I’ve been on my own journey to break free from learned smallness and step into wild sacred holy womanhood. Long story short, after finding faith in my early 30’s I began to realize that what I was hearing from the church about women didn’t always line up with what God was telling me. I loved God but realized the church was teaching some really toxic stuff.
So this Enneagram 8, first born, Gen Xer started deconstructing. I questioned and challenged everything I thought I knew about faith, gender, and myself.
It was messy and took a lot of work to sort it out. Therapy. Coaching. Bodywork. Spiritual healing. Conferences and retreats. And even a couple of college degrees.
You name it…I tried it.
But the thing that made the biggest difference was the presence and support of wise people who helped me up when I didn’t know where else to turn.
That’s why in September 2021, I created and hosted The Deconstructing Faith Summit. I gathered 20 phenomenal deconstruction experts to share their expertise and hosted over 1100 attendees in the week-long virtual event. Those who attended realized they weren’t alone, had a safe space to ask questions, learned dozens of strategies to help them deconstruct, and released tons of pent-up emotions they didn’t even know they were carrying around.
We laughed, we cried, and we danced, but the best part was…We did it together.
It was AMAZING and it was just the beginning.
So now, I’m doubling down on my commitment to create an inclusive support system for people, like you, who are longing to get away from toxic religion and cultivate a nourishing spiritual life.
