If you’re reading this, you probably already know things have gone sideways. Maybe a client called you out for something you said. Maybe a peer pulled you aside after a workshop. Maybe someone you care about sent you a message that hit like a punch to the gut.

You didn’t mean to cause harm, but you did, and now you have to decide what happens next.

As a healer, teacher, coach, or guide, your work carries weight. You hold space for others in vulnerable, complex ways. That’s a sacred responsibility, but it also means your mistakes can cause real damage.

So what do you do when you’ve messed up? Can you make it right? Perhaps, if you avoid performative apologies or unfairly shifting the blame to your clients. Responding to harm requires integrity, repair, and meaningful change.

(If you aren’t currently in crisis management mode, see my related post: How to Avoid Codependent Relationships With Clients to reduce the chance of crossing boundaries.)

Signs You May Have Crossed a Line

Sometimes harm is obvious. Other times, it’s subtle or accumulates over time. Here are some signs you may need to pause and assess your actions:

• A client or community member names something you said or did as harmful.

• Someone asks for clarification or asks why you did something, and you get defensive.

• You feel a wave of guilt or shame after an interaction, but try to brush it off.

• You realize you shared a client story without full consent.

• You’re being called out publicly on social media, or in an op-ed or blog post.

• An investigative report names you or your work as part of a larger pattern of harm.

• You feel anxious every time your inbox pings, because you know something’s off.

• Your mentor or supervisor raises concerns, and you feel the urge to withdraw or argue.

It doesn’t have to be a huge event to deserve your attention. If someone tells you they were harmed, it’s time to listen carefully before taking action.

This Is Not the Time to Go It Alone

Pause. Breathe. Don’t rush to fix or explain.

This is the moment to bring in support. Reach out to your mentor, supervisor, or a trusted colleague who will be honest with you. Not someone who will defend you out of loyalty, but someone who will help you see the full picture.

You need people who will tell you the truth, help you stay grounded, and walk with you through what comes next.

When Criticism Goes Viral

Sometimes the feedback doesn’t come through a private email or direct message. It comes through a TikTok. A podcast. A trending hashtag. A callout thread that dozens of people are already commenting on.

When criticism goes viral, it’s tempting to respond with a defensive statement, go silent, or disappear altogether. But ignoring public harm doesn’t make it go away.

If the criticism is valid, acknowledge it. If some of it is exaggerated, stay focused on what’s true. Avoid the urge to debate details or prove your intent.

This is where your ethics matter most. Your public behavior must reflect the same values you try to teach, or it’s things will get worse.

Take a Step Back from Public Work

If you’ve caused harm, continuing to post, teach, or lead without a pause can make things worse. Your community needs to see you take time to reflect, not perform resilience.

That might look like:

• Pausing your email list, podcast, or content schedule

• Canceling events or appearances

• Not launching that new program, even if it’s already scheduled

• Publicly stating you’re taking a break to assess, apologize, and change

The pause matters. So does the follow-through. If you say you’re stepping back, actually do it. If you say you’re getting support, get it.

How to Apologize, For Real

You’ve probably heard a thousand half-ass apologies.

• “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
• “I never meant to hurt anyone.”
• “I was just trying to help.”
• “This has been really hard for me.”

These are not apologies. They are deflections, defensive attempts to avoid accountability.

A meaningful apology includes phrases like:

• “I now see that I crossed a line.”
• “I caused harm, and I’m sorry.”
• “I failed to uphold the safety and trust you deserved.”
• “I take full responsibility for my actions.”

You don’t need to explain your intentions. You need to own your impact. Ask what repair would look like for the person harmed, within reason and boundaries.

Then be prepared to honor your commitments by honestly communicating what you can and cannot do.

Responding Publicly and Privately

If the harm occurred in public, your apology needs to be public too. This isn’t about optics. It’s about taking up space with your repair in the same way the harm did.

When writing a public statement:

• Center the people harmed, not your own feelings.

• Don’t quote private conversations without consent.

• Avoid vague passive language like “mistakes were made.”

• If client confidentiality is involved, honor it. You may need to keep your statement general or limit what you share to avoid further harm.

In private conversations:

• Be specific and personal.

• Don’t ask the person to educate you. That’s your job.

• Be open to feedback, even if it’s hard to hear.

• Respect their boundaries. They may not want to talk.

• With consent, invite neutral mediators to facilitate conversations. (Neutral means no friends, no people you do business with, no one you swap referrals with. That will just do more harm and damage your reputation even more.)   

Structural Change Matters More Than Words

A good apology is just the beginning. What matters next is your follow-through. If you just plow through your days without changing behavior, are you really sorry? Or did you just apologize to get out of the discomfort of accountability?

Take time to review your systems, policies, and habits. Ask yourself:

• Do I have written agreements that protect clients and clarify boundaries?

• Do I have regular supervision or mentoring to review my decisions?

• Are my offerings trauma-informed and accessible?

• Do I create space for feedback from the people I serve?

You might need to adjust your entire structure. This could include changing your intake process, refund policy, content strategy, or even the scope of your work.

Independent reviews from mentors or peer professionals can be helpful here. See my article: How to Avoid Codependent Relationships With Clients for more insight on building healthier systems and structures.

Don’t just audit yourself. Ask others to help you see what you’ve missed.

How to Rebuild Trust Over Time

If you decide to continue in this work, know that trust will not return overnight. It must be rebuilt slowly, through consistency and transparency.

This might include:

• Naming what you’re doing differently, and why

• Showing how you’ve implemented feedback

• Reporting to a board, coach, or supervisor, and saying so publicly

• Offering fewer, smaller offerings while you rebuild

• Making amends if you financially benefited from the harm

Be clear, honest, and consistent. Don’t force people to “get over it.” Let them see you do the real work of change.

Signs You May Not Be Able to Continue as a Healer

Some situations require more than a pause. They require a full stop.

There are times when the harm caused, the violations committed, or the trust broken are so severe that continuing in your current role is no longer ethical or possible. This isn’t about cancel culture. It’s about protecting the people you serve and honoring the seriousness of your responsibility as a healer, guide, or leader.

Here are some signs you may need to step away permanently:

• You’ve been defrocked or removed from spiritual leadership by your tradition or denomination.

• You’ve lost your license or certification due to professional misconduct.

• You’ve been sanctioned by a regulatory body or professional ethics board.

• An independent investigation has revealed serious misconduct or a pattern of harm.

• You have violated client confidentiality or boundaries in ways that cannot be repaired.

• You’ve been arrested, convicted, or found to have broken the law in connection with your work.

• Your former clients or community members no longer feel safe or supported in your presence.

• Your efforts to repair have been received as self-serving, manipulative, or dishonest.

• The harm is not isolated but part of a repeated pattern that has never been fully addressed.

Sometimes the breach of trust is simply too deep to repair.

If that’s where you find yourself, your work shifts to winding down your public-facing practice and privately doing whatever it takes to heal. These are not seasons of rebranding, forming new partnerships, or reentering the field. It’s time to face the consequences of your actions,

Prioritize assessing what happened, making amends where possible, and seeking healing for yourself and those you’ve harmed.

True accountability requires releasing the version of yourself that caused harm, and allowing something new, more honest, to take root.

If that’s the case, you still have a path forward. It just won’t look like the one you imagined.

Two Tools to Support Your Growth

If you are walking through this kind of reckoning, you’re not alone. These resources were created to help you reflect, heal, and rebuild from a place of integrity.

• Sacred Threads Workbook: This gentle guide will help you untangle shame from truth and reconnect with your values as you reflect on your past and future as a healer. Download the Sacred Threads below.

• The Healthy Healer Kit (Coming Soon): A resource pack to help you build ethical, trauma-informed practices from the inside out. Includes sample client agreements, boundary scripts, and mentorship reflection prompts. Join the waitlist

Final Thoughts

You’re human. You will make mistakes and people will see them. What shapes the next season, is what you do next. Do you double down on self-protection, or lean into accountability? Do you resist feedback, or allow yourself to be reshaped by it?

You don’t have to get everything right, but you do need to be honest. Your clients, your community, and your own integrity depend on it.