How to Avoid Legalism and Spiritually Flourish

Spirituality can be powerful and fulfilling, but unfortunately, when we are surrounded by toxic religious communities, legalism can overwhelm a healthy faith.

And let’s get real for a second. Legalism is like a pesky mosquito buzzing around your ear, and it’s annoying and distracting, and there’s always more where the first came from. Legalism refers to the rigid adherence to rules and dogma, often at the expense of genuine spiritual growth. Even when you leave toxic religion, legalism can feel like a trap you keep falling into, even in new spaces.

 

 

Here are five tips to help you avoid legalism (or recover from) and spiritually flourish during and after faith deconstruction.

 

 

1. Give yourself grace for being human.

 

 

I know grace can be one of those words that’s really triggering for people who’ve spent in time in toxic spaces. But the truth is, the idea of compassionately giving yourself the space to do what you can without shame is beautiful. You deserve kindness regardless of your mistakes or shortcomings. You deserve a fulfilling life without pressure to perform or be ‘perfect’. Giving yourself some grace space is one of the best ways to break away from legalism that says if you’re not perfect, God is disappointed, and you need to try harder.

 

 

 

By remembering you are human and imperfection is 100% normal, you can let go of the idea that you need to earn your salvation or prove your worth through rigid adherence to rules.

 

 

2. Focus on being with rather than doing all the things you’re “supposed” to do.

 

 

Rather than focusing on rules and regulations, and being good enough, avoid legalism by focusing on building a relationship with your soul, nature, and the people around you. ‘Being with’ can involve prayer, meditation, or time in nature. It can also be watching your kids play or snuggling up in your favorite chair with a cup of tea. If you are exploring a more expansive God during your faith deconstruction, you don’t have to work so hard to show up the “right” way in the “right” spaces. It’s all about being, instead of doing.

 

You get to cultivate a deeper and more meaningful spirituality by prioritizing your relationship with yourself over rules.

 

 

3. Don’t get too caught up in the details.

 

 

Here’s the thing, friend. Rules are important, but they’re not everything. Don’t get so caught up in the details that you lose sight of the big picture. Focus on the things that matter most, like loving yourself and loving others. The rest will fall into place. When you hold yourself to a high standard, you don’t allow yourself to breathe and just end up exhausted.

 

 

Show yourself some love and compassion while you deconstruct your faith from toxic religion by giving yourself permission to stop hyper-focusing on the teeny tiny things that distract you from peace.

 

 

 

It may be awkward at first, but with practice, you’ll be amazed at how much easier it is to deepen your spirituality.

 

 

4. Practice soul-led self-care.

 

 

Practicing soul-led care is also crucial to spiritual flourishing without legalism. Legalism can be exhausting because it requires constant monitoring of your behavior and the behavior of others. Soul-led care like this prioritizes taking time just for you, setting boundaries, and practicing self-compassion. Not only will it help you disconnect from legalism, but it’s also the bread and butter of faith deconstruction.  By prioritizing care that resonates on a soul level, you’ll begin to recharge and refocus your energy on the things that nourish you.

 

 

 

Start by no longer explaining yourself, defending your answers, or attending events that make you want to shrink. 

 

 

5. Seek out healthy communities.

 

 

An interesting thing when you deconstruct and seek out groups who feel more open is that you realize there isn’t just ‘one right way to do things’ anymore. However, it’s crucial to be mindful of legalistic attitudes and seek out groups prioritizing openness, flexibility, and challenging conversations over rigid adherence to rules and checking boxes. Even in deconstruction or spiritual spaces, you can find similar dogmatic traps.

 

Keep your eyes open for red flags that feel familiar and set your boundaries a little earlier each time you encounter unhealthy stuff. 

 

 

Remember, spirituality and faith deconstruction is not about earning your salvation or proving your worth; it’s about cultivating a deeper connection with your heart and living out your soul’s deepest values in the world.

 

 

All in all, although legalism may have served you in the past and helped you feel safe and protected from the harsh outside world, it’s holding you back now. Put down the heavy burden, and give yourself some grace, kindness, and space to be human.

 

 

Hungry for more? Here are a few popular faith deconstruction-related posts you’ll find helpful: 

What Does it Mean to Deconstruct Your Faith? 

Sometimes You Have to Leave the Church to Find God

Is Deconstructing Your Faith Biblical?

8 Reasons Why Christians Should be 2SLGBTQIA+ Allies

Deconstructing While Parenting

How to Get Out of Toxic Religion

The Best Faith Deconstruction Conferences & Online Summits

Deconstructing Your Faith When Your Partner Isn‘t

The Best Books for Deconstructing Your Faith